BEGIN:VCALENDAR PRODID:Godengo, Inc VERSION:2.0 METHOD:PUBLISH X-WR-CALNAME:Sacramento Events X-WR-CALDESC:This is a calendar exported from the Rivista calendaring syste m X-WR-TIMEZONE:US/Pacific BEGIN:VEVENT UID:5940_3@sacmag.com DTSTAMP:20130619T080647Z CATEGORIES:ART DESCRIPTION:

\n Thursday\, Dec 27\, 2012
\n 7:00 PM
\n Admissio n: $5.00
\n Movies on a Big Screen at The Grange
\n 3823 V St\, Sacramento\, CA 95817


\n Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny

\n We have no idea why\, but we've been inundated with requests t o show this again.  We find this quite interesting\, since only about 8 pe ople showed up when we showed it a couple of years ago\, and more people h ave asked for it than actually went\, so we'll see how this goes.  We're j ust reusing the synopsis we wrote up back in 2010\, too.

\n And this year\, nationally syndicated late night horror host\, Cinema Insomni a's Mr. Lobo\, will be dropping by to host this screening!  We're not sure why\, but at least it will make the night interesting.  At least until th e movie starts\, that is...

\n Well\, we're really out-doing ou rselves with the 'crappy' theme this year\, by inflicting you with this tr agically bad holiday movie. When you gaze on the blown-out and fuzzy pictu re\, and strain to hear the horrific\, and oftentimes inaudible\, audio\, you might mistake this for someone's home movie. But oh no. This thing act ually played in theaters. For CHILDREN!

\n So what's it all abo ut?

\n Santa has managed to crash his sleigh on a Florida beach . It's stuck in maybe 2 inches of sand (yes\, folks - that's TWO WHOLE INC HES). It would appear Santa is more than a little drunk. 'Donner\, Blitzen and all the rest' (yeah\, they didn't even bother to figure out all of th e reindeers' names) have wisely fled the scene. Santa moans. Santa sings. Santa stares directly at the sun for around 30 seconds. Santa passes out. Oh\, and he summons the local 'Kids' (as they're billed in the credits) to come and help\, who bring along a lot of livestock (from where?) and a gu y in a gorilla suit? Yep.

\n Well\, after a really long time (a nd it will feel like weeks while you're watching this)\, nothing will disl odge the sleigh from the TWO WHOLE INCHES of sand\, so Santa calls on the Ice Cream Bunny. It's gonna take awhile for him to get there\, so Santa te lls the story of 'Thumbelina' - which is a movie within the movie. Actuall y\, it's a movie within a movie within the larger movie framework. That wi ll make sense when you see this. After this REALLY overly-long flower chil d version of the fairy tale with animals and amphibians showing an unnatur al interest in a two-inch young lady\, we go back to the beach. And the Ic e Cream Bunny (someone in a matted\, dirty\, and likely diseasefilled  rab bit suit from your worst childhood fever nightmares)\, slowly makes his wa y to where Santa is in an old fire engine\, accompanied by a slow\, mournf ul\, death-toll sounding siren. And how will it all end?

\n Wel l\, as the poster proclaims\, with 'The Exciting Rescue!' Ahem. Yeah. It's as exciting as it is 'breathtaking.'

\n Oh - of course\, that synopsis doesn't include any of the ugly details about the sweat stains on Santa's ass. Or the random raccoon attack on Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn in their brief and meaningless cameo. Or all other manner of head-scratching moments peppered throughout this 'movie.'

\n 'This was not a mo vie meant to spread the joy of Christmas\, but rather a torture device mea nt to scare impressionable young children away from ever wanting to have a nything to do with the holiday. ...after seeing this movie\, all those kid s ended up wanting for Christmas was some serious psychotherapy.' - The Ag ony Booth

\n 'This movie really sucked.' - Invasion of the B Mo vies

\n\n\n3823 V St\nSacramento\, CA\n95817\n\n DTSTART:20121227T190000 DTEND:20121227T203000 LOCATION:Movies on a Big Screen at The Grange PRIORITY: SUMMARY:Screening: Crappy Christmas: Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny URL:http://www.moviesonabigscreen.com END:VEVENT END:VCALENDAR